Don't Mess With Me or I Will Scratch Your Eyes Out

You can't fix stupid.

Perception is reality.

Life goes on.

Sometimes you surprise yourself.

Time heals all wounds.

4 out of 5 of these, I believe in.  That last one, I think it's a little far-fetched. I think maybe it should be more like: Time helps all wounds scab over, making them tender to the touch but managable, rather than extremely excruciating.  :)

Today I have been pondering something that happened to me recently, in which I had all 5 of these common statements come together to create a little epiphany tornado. 

Let's start with the 4th one, because I like that one! 
Sometimes you really do surprise yourself.  I was able to have a conversation with someone that I haven't spoken to in years.  I have avoided this confrontation because I had to, for my own mental health.  I distanced myself because it was the right thing to do for me.  However, in this instance, I was unable to avoid it and had to face it head on.  A year ago, this would have caused a chain reaction of emotions that would have resulted in horrible nightmares, leaving me drenched in sweat and tears running down my face when I woke up. 

This time, though, I found myself handling it without getting all ape-shit crazy.  Instead, I was calm and rational.  There was no blood-shed, no hair-pulling, no eye-clawing.....and no nightmares as a result.  I couldn't believe how calm I stayed.  I expected the norm:  shaking, sweaty hands.  Nervous belly with accompanying diarrhea (TMI, I know, but hey, I'm an honest kinda girl).  Oh, and don't forget that weird thing your lips do when you get super nervous and  get some kind of twitchy, lip convulsion thing...
Yup.  I expected all of that, and maybe even some "I can't do this anymore" tears....but , whataya know???  None of it!  YAAAAAAY, me!!!

Though I was caught off guard, not prepared and completely surprised by the situation, I was actually able to take a step back and view it from a completely objective standpoint AS it unfolded.  'Hmmm,' I thought, 'I've come a long way.' 

After it was over, I was able to go about my business.  I was a little 'off' for the rest of the day, I'll admit.  I'm a  planner, a list-maker, a 'gotta be mentally prepared in advance' kinda girl.  So, this willy-nilly, thrown right in like a surprise party kinda thing is really not my style.  But, in the grand scheme of things, I was pretty impressed with the way it went down.  I never went into the 'Emergency:  Don't Mess With Me or I Will Scratch Your Eyes Out' mode.  That, my friends, is a victory!

 I was nervous as I went to bed.  I thought it would be the first of many nights of nightmares, sweating pits and damp pillows.  But, alas, I woke up this morning without a single bad dream!  Woohoooooooo!!!!!!!

Today, as I reflect on yesterday's drama, I realize that the first three statements above are, indeed, true.  You can't fix stupid.  Crazy people do not just 'get better,'  Sometimes they just change up their game.  They evolve in their craziness to new levels, and those around for the show have to come to terms with that fact and arm yourself accordingly.  LOL

Perception really is reality.  In the end, it doesn't matter much exactly how you intended something to come across.  It matters how people perceive it.  So be careful, think before you speak or act, and if you screw it up....be prepared to pay the price. 

And, truly, life does go on.  If you aren't careful, it will go on without you.  Sometimes, you have to make a conscious effort to get back up, dust yourself off and get back on the train before you lose your seat.

Finally, there's that last one.  Time heals all wounds.  Like I said, I think that one is a little vague.  I'm not sure time heals the entire wound.  Those wounds leave scars; evidence of where you have been, how far you have come.  They are like a roadmap of your life, and each one tells a story; kind of like stamps in a passport.  To say that time heals them implies that you are left looking untouched.  'Time' is not a plastic surgeon.  It cannot erase the marks left behind from your wound.  And we shouldn't want it to. 

Like the stretchmarks left on the belly of a loving mother, they tell our tales of love, loss, sacrifice and grace.  When we look at them, we remember where we have been.  Without acknowledging where we have been, we cannot embrace how far we have come.  And without that, what do you have? 

A bunch of days that didn't count......