I mean, seriously. It would be so much easier to just be an A hole all the time. There is such a fine line between being "honest" and being an "ass hole". Sometimes it's just downright overwhelming.
Sometimes I am exhausted by the thought process that is entailed with just a simple conversation. Sometimes it feels like work to just exist, because I have to keep my mouth shut when I want to open it....
Sometimes, I just want to be a total Karen Walker and just say what I think with absolutely no consequence because everyone already KNOWS I am an asshole. THAT would be sheer freedom, my friends.
You remember Karen. The crazy ass assistant to Grace on Will and Grace. She was a sexy-dressing, reasonably crazy, loud-mouthed b*****. But, somehow, even though she said exactly what she thought, you couldn't help but love her for it. She said what she meant, and meant what she said. There was no beating around the bush with Karen. Nope. No sirry.
Apparently, the only time this is acceptable in real life is with true friends. Apparently, the rest of society will think you are a terrible person if you are so vocal and honest. :( Boo. Cuz that was gonna be super fun, right?
So, in the case of family, acquaintances and strangers---I must bite my tongue. There are only a few people that fall into the category of 'able to handle complete honesty.' Dangit. I feel sorry for the people in THAT group....they may get hit kinda hard if I have a bad day with family or acquaintances, huh? Lucky them, those rare few who fall into the category of "Hooker Faces".
It's that crap where you have to pretend to like someone you don't. Or pretend to care about something you don't. OOOOOOR, when someone else has to do to this to YOU. And you know damn well that they could give a flyin rat's behind about it...but it's proper to act like they do. AAAARRRGGGHHHH!
I just don't like it. Damn you, Political Correctness. Damn you, Social Acceptability! DAMN YOU!
This makes me think....
Today, we have a 'syndrome' for everything. We have Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, for those who get depressed in the winter. We have catch-all syndromes like Irritable Bowel Syndrome for every single person who gets constipated or gets diarrhea but doctor's can't figure out why. You know, because it's some kind of consolation for the people with a bad belly every day of their life to at least have a name for it...even though it solves absolutely nothing and brings no relief whatsoever.
We have ADD, ADHD, LMNOP and lots of other syndromes.
Now, listen, I am in NO way making light of these 'syndromes.' Please remember, my own son had Down Syndrome. I am not making fun of people here. I'm simply making a proposition for the rest of us.
If nearly everyone in America has been diagnosed with some sort of something-or-other...
WHY, oh why, can't we have a super useful syndrome that is similar to Tourette's, but allows us to be completely honest with no recourse? You know, for the rest of us.
I hereby nominate a new syndrome for review by the FDA, NRA, AMA, or whichever A determines what a real syndrome is....
Karen Walker Freedom Syndrome....
Just think of it. The Freedom. Freedom to tell your boss what you really think of how the same pair of dress slacks have magically become high-waters because she thinks no one will notice that she has put on 35 pounds and keeps hiking them up higher to her "waist" because then she could NOT have possibly gone up 4 sizes because her pants still fit. Guess what, honey...we can see your ankle bones and those hairs you keep missing on them that are so long they can be braided into an ankle bracelet at this point! YOUR PANTS ARE TOO SMALL. And those are not CAPRIS, you are not fooling anyone!
Oh, the things you could say to your sister-in-law about what you really think about the casserole she brings to 4th of July. Or your cousin and the way her kid behaves when she turns her back and that little Satan Spawn begins to dive bomb other kids off the back of the sofa. Ooooooohhhhhhhhh.......
Yup. That's it. I'm looking into this. Watch out people. I am about to get a diagnosis that I can feel good about.
I love you, Karen Walker. I raise my mid-morning cocktail to you. :) Dammit, why can't I be a good mixologist. I could totally create a cocktail called the Karen Walker. Sour, harsh, one that burns all the way down....yet has a surprisingly sweet aftertaste and leaves you wanting more.
Shit, I could be rich!
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