Crusty Boogers and a Nancy Drew Ninja

I am just gonna throw this out there.
You can choose to catch it, or (in the words of Mater,) to not to.

It has become remarkably clear to me that even the best kids in the world bicker and fight with each other when they are related by blood.  It's almost as though there is a chromosome that lights up like a glow stick when they are within 5 feet of one another, and this chromosome thrusts them into the throws of some horrific battle in which they have to one up each other.

My kids are super good kids.  No, I'm being serious dammit, stop it!  People compliment my kids all the time on their kindness, their manners, their ability to not be absolutely freaking annoying while conscious and alert.  Yet, with all of their fabulosity and magnificentaciousness...they STILL drive each other fricken nuts sometimes. 

I get that they are over 4 years apart, so there is a bit of a gap.  I get that my 10 year old daughter is (as vomit comes up my throat and my nostrils begin to burn) nearing the pre-teen phase, and may possibly(though I cannot confirm or deny with absolute certainty for fear that she will kill me in my sleep) get a little testy for reasons that appear to be completely unfounded.  I also understand that boys and girls cannot possibly play together for extended periods of time without their respective estrogen and testosterone getting pissed off at each other, which could result in an explosion not unlike a Pepsi bottle volcano when left in a hot car in July in Missouri.

I get it.  I'm not stupid (shut up....)
But I am continually riddled by the way they can sometimes solve the mysteries of the world with complete cooperation and the skills of a stealthy ninja.  Then turn right around and piss and moan at each other because 10 is disgusted that 5 has boogers in his nose, and 5 (judging by the look on his face) wants to tell her to eat shit and die...but cannot because in our house, stupid is a bad word. 

Why is it worth an absolute melt down that, though I requested that you hand me that pillow from across the room, and you did....now that it is time to tidy up for five freaking minutes before mom's head spins around and she spits pea soup.....Upon time to tidy up time, I think YOU should put the damn pillow back that I requested that  you hand me because, technically speaking, YOU are the sorry bastard that handed it to me when I asked! 

These are the things that I wonder.  They are small, and sometimes they make me laugh till I have to stop and cross my legs for a minute (LOL if you totally get that comment, by the way)...But they are the things that make me go 'Hmmmmm......'

As I chat with you, they are donning homemade spy gear, climbing UP a tunnel slide that was clearly designed with the intention of only going DOWN with the use of a broken dog leash, a paperclip and some fishing line. I'm nearly positive they are devising a plan to take over the free world.  I think 10 has been reading too much Nancy Drew, and 5 may have watched Backyardigans one too many times....

Five minutes ago, they were straight up fighting over two dead AA batteries in the junk drawer and a purple paper clip that just may have special powers.  Three minutes before that, 10 almost choked 5 out for refusing to pick up toy fruit that he left lay in the middle of the kitchen floor.  Why?  Because I told him 3 times to put it away, and he didn't.  When I announced that I would straight up throw it away if he did not pick it up that instant, he simply smirked and said, "That's okay.  It's not mine anyway...it's HERS."

Kids are wierd.  They are funny. They are sometimes slightly illogical, irrational and, I have learned, it doesn't matter how many times you tell them that they are blessed to HAVE a sibling at all..they think you clearly, Ah Mah Gawd, totally don't even, like, understand, like, how totally hard it is to like live with MY sibling.

You gotta love it.  I'm a lucky girl.  I was given a second chance at motherhood...one that included healthy kids who want to occasionally beat the snot out of each other.  That's okay though.  Those same kids also leave each other notes on their bedroom doors that say things like (in 5 year old handwriting, spelled phonetically) "I love you. You are the best sissy ever"

Note:  5 just asked that I open two frozen yogurt tubes so he could surprise 10 with them by asking her to reel them up into their tower with their spy gadget fetching device.  When I fell in love with him all over again and attempted to kiss him, all googly eyed at his sweetness, he promptly removed his chewed gum from his mouth and attempted to put it into mine because he simply did not know what else to do with it so that he could eat his yogurt tube.  Now doesn't that make a girl's heart go pitter-patter?

Who could ask for more?

(I'm still waiting for the royalty checks to roll in from my kids secretly posing for this picture)