Summer Sibling Superness

So.  Here in the good ole center of the USA, we are experiencing what some would call a heat wave.  I prefer to call it SSW:  Super Shitty Weather.

Now, I feel compelled to let you know that it is normal for the weather to suck in Missouri this time of year.  However, normal suckiness is a max of 90 degrees, and disgustingly humid.  I mean, like, rolled in honey, sweaty gooey humid.

The last two weeks though?  Yup, kinda makes the normal weather seem dreamy.  We've hovering between 105 and 110 most days, and with the humidity it truly feels like I have been sitting in a flipping sauna.

What's my point with all this?

O-M-G---------
It's been too darn hot for the kids to play outside in the afternoon.  For 10, that's not such a big deal.  She can grab a book and be happy as a clam indoors.

5, however....Lordy that kid needs to be able to go outside and be free.  One with the elements.  Buried up to his waist in sand as he fabricates something utilizing a dead wasp, a broken hula hoop and 5 blades of grass. 

We have spent each morning outside for an hour or two....but about the time he gets all settled in in his playing and has ridden approximately 100 laps around the house on his bike...We both begin to look like we have been slathered in baby oil and it's time to bring him in.  A couple hours is not enough for my little McGyver. 

The result is something that can only be described as torture.  Moodiness, crabbiness, pissy pants..none of these are an accurate portrayal of the atmosphere inside of this house.  Try as they might, 10 and 5 just cannot cohabitate for days on end without a break.  They try their best, but they just can't do it.

It all starts out rosey in the morning.  But by lunch time, tempers are beginning to flair.  That's when it all unravels.  She gives him looks like he is an absolute moron.  He takes something from her room just to aggravate her.  She proceeds to yell and scream, even though the thing he took from her room is something she has not had physical contact with in at least 6 months....because it's the principal of the thing at this point.
I am considering buying myself a shirt with vertical black and white stripes, a really loud whistle, and some white gloves.  At the very least, surely the whistle (if blown loud enough) would cause temporary hearing loss and I could have a few minutes of peace and quiet.

For example:  Today we made a quick run to a clothing store. I simply needed to return a shirt.  5 was taken in by the jewelry racks.  So many shiny things he could shove in miscellaneous pockets of his cargo shorts...so many possibilities for things he could forget in said pockets that would wind up in my washer....ALL on a rack that spins in circles.  Get out of town!  HEAVEN! 

10 was trying to convince me that earrings that went all the way to her shoulders were completely appropriate for her age.  When I gave her the 'Oh no you di-ent' look, she quickly stammered through an attempt at justification. 

5 proceeded to find the most gaudy, God awful women's ring that was a darn octopus.  It was about an inch and a half long, in bright colors, and probably at least an inch wide.  I could just seem some lady, about 85 years old, wearing a gold jacket and matching elastic waist band pants.  Cigarette hanging out of her mouth with ashes about an inch long, SHE would wear this ring.  And, here stands 5, with this magnificent specimen in his hand.  "Oh mom.  How many dollars is THIS?"  Before I could even answer through my laughter, 10 proceeded to exclaim (rather loudly), "Seriously?  That is a girl ring.  YOU are not a girl.  I cannot believe you are even asking about that.....blah, blah, blah....'  The rest was a series of statements that dripped with disgust, and I proceeded to block them out. 

When I advised 5 that the crazy octopus costs $12, his eyebrows immediately shot up and he said, "OH!"  and promptly hung it right back up.  Done with that!  He was then completely taken by a two toned blue plastic watch that was so big it could have served as an eyepatch for a pirate.  Or a 5 year old.  "Now, you can't tell me THIS is for a girl.  It's BLUE!"  He quickly remarked.  Of course, she proceeded to stomp all over that, too.  "This is a women's store.  Therefore, everything in here is for WOMEN!" 

You see where I am going with this, right?  This is what I have been dealing with for 2 weeks. 
 I love them so much, and am so proud of what great people they both are.  But, seriously, something's gotta give.  That, or I am gonna start putting MYSELF in time out.  Perhaps I should ground myself to my room.  I think I'm gonna try that!

Crap!  First, I would have to get a television for my bedroom. 
And a margarita machine.
Or a wine fridge.
Or, depending on the day, BOTH!

And I would need to install a fire escape, just in case I decide to completely evacuate the building.  You know, if the yelling gets to be too much even with the door closed and the tv turned up really loud.  That would be safer than diving from the second story.

Dammit.  This is getting to be out of my budget.  I didn't factor in construction cost when I first began tossing this around.  Perhaps I would be better off just buying earplugs.