So, I realize it's been a while since I've blogged.
I realize it mostly with the help of other people who ask me questions like, 'WTH? Why haven't you
blogged?'
I typically reply something along the lines of , 'Because I'm a huge slacker....DUH!' But, today, said people cannot bust my chops.
This may be a quickie, as the only reason I am able to stop in for a quick hello is that I'm an idiot. As I write, I'm on my second cup of coffee already, and it's 6:13am. (brief sidebar: When I say 'coffee', I'm really refering to a quad shot of espresso with Pumpkin Spice creamer. So, yes, My name is Jennifer. I have an addiction.)
Okay, so anywho, back to me being a moron. Last night was one of those nights where you toss and turn, fall back to sleep, toss and turn, kid wakes you up, toss and turn, husband goes to the bathroom (actually IN the bathroom, though. Thankfully we aren't to THAT stage of our lives....YET.)
At what I presumed was approximately 4:30am, my daughter, 10, woke me with a call from the bedroom. I stumbled in, hair standing on end, mascara under my eyes, and stopped and paused in the dark. She sits up and reports, 'Something is in my ear.'
Okee dokee. Something is in MY ear too. My brain, tiny hairs, some wax. Get there FASTER!
She then announces a declaration that begins with a brief disclaimer: "Don't worry mom, I was awake. I didn't imagine it." Okee dokee. This is getting interesting. What, pray tell, are you doing awake at 4:30?
She then says that she thinks something fell into her ear from the paper lanterns hanging above her bed. "It could be a piece of dust, or a bug." Really? She then announces that her ear is tickley, but she isn't sure.
Lord have mercy. Let me make it clear that we don't live in a meth lab, a delapidated home or a van down by the river. We aren't overrun with roaches or any such critter. That being said, what the heck is this kid talking about? Let's keep in mind this is the girl that, when she has a fever, sees M&M's fall from the sky. So.....
She sits looking at me, I stand there in the dark with what had to be a super impressive look on my face....and I ask the obvious question. 'Do you hear anything in your ear? Is it moving?"
'Uh.....no.' Well then.....
I tell her to go back to sleep and let me know if said dust bunny or possible bug attempts to make a move, steal her soul or take over her brain. I'm happy to report that none of those occurred to the best of my knowledge. I guess we'll see when she finally descends down the stairs.
I went back to bed and of course couldn't sleep. Afraid to put a pillow over my head because the possibility of impending doom when said invisible ear-raider made his move, I lay there and tossed and turned. At some point I went back to sleep, then 6 got up and used the restroom and woke me up again . Stupid Mom-Sleep!
Dozed off again, looked at clock, 6:00. Pillow over head this time, at the risk of having my daughter's brain taken over by a mutant dust bunny, I did go back to sleep. I woke up, looked at the clock,and it was 6:41. CRAP! Needed to be up at 6:30.
I make my way to the stairs and am shocked that the freak who is my daughter is not awake already. Typically, she is awake by 6 or so...door closed, light on, reading a book. Yes, she is a weirdo.
I've already awakened the husband, advised him he has overslept, and am making my way toward the espresso machine...
About the time I'm pouring in the water in preparation for my cup of heaven, 10 peeks her head around the bannister and asks, "Uh, mom...is it time to get up?"
'Uh....can you read the clock?" is my reply, because I've not yet enjoyed my first cup of liquid gold. And that's when it happens.
10 says to me, "Yeah, mom, I can. Mine says 5:41"
SERIOUSLY? The only clock I didn't change was the bedroom clock? DAMMIT!
Now, then of course this becomes a game of question and answer with 10, as she is my preparation girl. She repeatedly asked me previously if I had, indeed, changed her clock. She was concerned that if she THOUGHT I had, but I hadn't, she would be misinformed of what time it was, and then the entire natural cycle of life would be thrown off kilter. This is the same kid who has to know what time we are going to dinner, even though she does not drive, so that she can be mentally prepared.
When I reported said mishap to the hubby, who was waiting to hop in the shower, he had nothing but loving support to offer. It went something like, "You're such a douche..."
It's kind of like that song from The Lion King....'Can you feel the love tonight?'
Yep. I can.
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